Out of Gas (Interview with a procrastinating blogger)August 13, 2011
Q: Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to sit with us today, Shelley.
S: You are most welcome, but there’s another episode of “Say Yes to The Dress: Atlanta” coming on soon, so let’s try to get this done quickly, ok?
Q: So, what have you done today that’s worth writing about Shelley?
A: Well, I made a fantastic pot of coffee for myself this morning. After that, I ….. When I was a teacher of Korean kids, there was a joke that the students would sometimes play on me. I would ask what they did on vacation, where they had been. Some little wisearse would answer “Bangkok”, and I would begin to ask detailed, feigning-interest questions about the trip, while all the other little wisearses would start to giggle and giggle until they burst out into side-splitting fits of hilarity. Apparently, in Korean “Bangkok” sounds a lot like a word that means “rolling around my room.” The kid hadn’t gone anywhere. He had just done nothing all day, spacing out and rolling around the room. So, that’s what I did after coffee today. I went to freaking Bangkok.
Q: You sound a little testy today, Shelley. Anything wrong? Aren’t you happy to be on vacation with absolutely nothing to do but write this blog?
A: I just spent an hour and half reading through a million blog prompt ideas. I started to write about my favorite 80’s songs. I started to write about why I don’t want children. I started to write about things I’m grateful for, inspired by the best thing I’ve read today, Ms. Paulette’s Blog. I even decided to do my version of a popular blog idea, “Wordless Wednesday” and call it “Shut Up Saturday”, where all I would have to do would be to post a photo, and let it do the speaking for me. Then, I spent 15 minutes wondering if I could pretend that I forgot to blog today. Then you appeared. So, yeah, I’m not drunk, yet I am interviewing myself. That, among other things, is pissing me off.
Q: What are the other things that are contributing to your bad mood? Let’s see how bad things really are.
A: My neighbors have no sense of noise control. It is raining yet again. The cat is shedding enough fur to knit ten sweaters. I can’t knit. I’m 41 years old. That’s about it.
Q: Not so bad, Shelley. Do you have your health?
A: Surprisingly, despite years of being much bigger than nature intended, I am a really healthy girl.
Q: Is your marriage happy?
A: It is a beautiful work in progress, with 95% contentment and 5% rip-roaring drama, to keep things interesting. We are cosmically destined to be together.
Q: Do you enjoy your regular job?
A: Absolutely. There is nothing more thrilling than a really in-the-zone, making-a-difference class. And just when the classes start to get tedious, I get 10 weeks of vacation. With pay. Twice a year.
Q: So, it sounds like you actually have a lot to be happy about?
A: Well, look at that. You tricked me into doing a gratitude post, after all.
Q: You seemed like you needed a little help. Anything you would like to say to our readers before we head back to watch Southern brides spend way too much on wedding dresses?
A: I’m so grateful that you are still reading, and didn’t press the “back” button when you got to the bit about the cat fur. Seriously.